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Okay...i really hate this my mom keeps just yelling at me for no reason at all and now shes has made me promise to go to bed at 11/11:30 EVERY NIGHT how ridiculous is that? i mean seriously? its just so annoying.
and also i havenapos;t been doing to well in school lately and i know that that has to change, i just canapos;t seem to get myself to care about my school work at all and that is something i really really need to work on cause if i dont, IM SCREWED oh ok well its bed time for me unfortunatley so toodles

xoxohearts;
.....Jes


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Our jaws were both broke.
I liked that. Like god had
hinged us from the same
scraps. Some nights, you
could find us piled up in your
parentrsquo;s basement, cracking
them in unison.

It was physical bantermdash;
the moaning, whispering
between our jointsmdash;
that held us together.

Yours slackened to a snore.
By the smooth grind of erosion.
And the time. Mine still echoed
our bone chorus. I pressed your
jaw together, and all that came
out was the sound of hollow.

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I want a holiday. Necessity not a desire.
i have had enough of all the shitzz in school, sick of so many things.

on a lighter note, im done with my book finally.
i like it when a boo gets you thinking, when you put yourself in that situation and just imagine what you would do. Looking at the picture in so many angles, thats the beauty of it.

anway, i hate intruders.
leave me alone and stop trying to poke your nose into everything.
youre gross.

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I am damned tired and still having bouts of hacking coughs.� There are enough things kicking around that Iapos;d rather not spend that much time thinking about let alone putting on here.� So, instead Iapos;ll talk about politics because theyapos;re just sitting there anyway and because I finally got my voter registration in the mail today.�

This came courtesy the NYT:
"Mr. McCain brought his campaign to Florida on Friday, a state that he must win but where he has been losing ground to Mr. Obama in recent polls. Campaigning with him was Senator Joseph I. Lieberman of Connecticut, who tried to appeal to Cuban-Americans in the audience by trying to say ldquo;Joe the Plumberrdquo; in Spanish."

So what was the most entertaining of the debates?� For my money is was that last one, goinapos; all Return of the Jedi (Jabbaapos;s palace was the best thing to come out of Star Wars and thatapos;s saying something) son� This is closely followed by the VP�debates and some of the golden moments that we must never forget from that.� In all fairness though, I never finished watching the town hall one.� I just fell asleep cursing while watching an internet rerun of it.

In the end though, the debates donapos;t really matter because Iapos;ve already found my candidate, a true maverick.� Iapos;ll let him introduce himself:

Yes� Prohibition� Thereapos;s your face of change dammit.

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It has been pretty rough going this week. My boyfriend is in the midst of an identity crisis, and thereapos;s nothing that I can say or do to make it better. He was working out east all summer, and one of the people he worked with became his very good friend. Except that they never really were just friends; his friend is gay, and Monday afternoon my boyfriend confided to me that he has feelings for his new friend. Romantic feelings.

I feel so lost and confused about the whole situation. My boyfriend says he isnapos;t physically attracted to his friend, but he would go a long way out of his way to please this friend, even if it meant doing something that wasnapos;t necessarily his thing. Meanwhile, he says heapos;s still in love with me, and he wants to be with me too. He says he has always felt emotionally connected to his friend, whereas he hasnapos;t either ever, or recently, with me. Itapos;s a painful situation made worse by the fact that his friend is scheduled to visit here in about three weeks. My boyfriend and his friend talk on the phone for 2+ hours everyday, so Iapos;m thinking that maybe Iapos;ll ask my boyfriend for the same. An hour or so of uninterrupted us time, where I donapos;t have to worry about anything but him, and he doesnapos;t have to worry about anything but me, and we can talk and I can try to figure out how to connect with him emotionally.

I could make the situation better for everyone if I didnapos;t love him so much. If I just dumped him and said that was the end of it, it would make his life so much easier. But it would break my heart and I wouldnapos;t be being true to myself if I did. Iapos;ve been kind of hoping that he might pop the question on towards the end of the school year when we get graduation and grad school figured out. Iapos;m still hoping we can work things out in that direction, but I get the feeling that my boyfriend isnapos;t going to be able to figure things out until he knows for sure whether or not he can make things work with his friend. But thatapos;s just the pessimist in me speaking out.

Itapos;s been a rough week; I pretty much come close to breaking down 2-3 times a day. I walked into my advisorapos;s office this afternoon for our independent study meeting and nearly cried, and the poor woman saw how distressed I was and she almost cried too.

Mostly, I really just need to relax, because me freaking out about the situation is only going to make things worse for me, and certainly not easier for him.

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I want to have a life again RAWR. So, mental issues resolved and under wraps, I break my goddamned back Sept 29th and the suffering is still continuing. I feel so drugged up...probably due to the fact that I -am- drugged up. Iapos;m on my regular meds as well as Flexeril and Darvocet now. -_- They help to a certain extent, but it doesnapos;t get rid of the problem. Once the meds wear off, Iapos;m in pain again. My orthopedic doctor is probably going to refer me to a chiropractor. Oh I almost forgot to tell yaapos;ll: when the doctor was looking over the x-ray of my lower back he said that it looked like the spine of a 42 year old, not a 22 year old. He explained that I have a very clear case of spinal degeneration in my lowest 4 vertabre. Goody. *shrugs* Anywho, so Iapos;m an invalid. Again. My brother was nice enough to take me to the mall to just get out of the house. I canapos;t walk for very long without my back giving out, so he got me a wheelchair so I could roll around in that. While I was in Hot Topic I ran into Kristin, Olivia, and Harrison. I think they looked a little surprised. ^^;; Hee hee.

Since Iapos;m home all day I color a lot in this spiffy mandala coloring book, play solitaire, and play Spore. My parents demand that I stay out of my room during the day, so I stay in the living room with the tv on to appease them. I usually never watch tv, so this is kind of boring and annoying. Iapos;m on my parentsapos; computer right now (dial up is killing me) to look up info on the new Indianapolis airport thatapos;s opening so when Darryl comes to visit in December Iapos;ll know where the hell Iapos;m going. Speaking of Darryl, Iapos;ve been sort of beta-ing his newest book for him and itapos;s lots of fun. Being involved in his creative endeavor helps me feel a little more connected. We also talk about politics a lot on the phone. (We are huge Obama supporters. Get out there and vote for him in November) This credit crisis weapos;re in now does scare me a little, but all I can do is hope that we pull out of it soon.

Considering Iapos;ve been a vegtable for the past few weeks, I suppose there isnapos;t anything else to say. Love yaapos;ll

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Damnit i always laugh at the most inappropriate of times.
today the tutor was very very dissapointed with our assignment (got 5/10 lulz) and was giving us feedback and all i could do was laugh about the hideous forging of our signatures on the cover sheet which was done by the guy who handed it in. It looked SO funny and i was just sitting there giggling like an idiot. HAHAHAHAHAHA. So the lecturer-in-chargeapos;s name is mark uncles. On the cover sheet the guy wrote it as apos;Mr Unclesapos;.

HAHAHAHAHAHA.

ISNapos;T OT FUNNY.

LOL.

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Dear Apprentice,

Do not underestimate the value of sleep as a tool of the craft.

Really.

1. Give over to your subconscious. Your subconscious or backbrain is one of the best tools you have. Itapos;s working all the time (and I mean all the time) building worlds, sifting characters, nuttering details. (This is why you will get an idea while sitting at a stoplight. While youapos;ve been driving, your subconscious has been working.)

Your subconscious works best at night, when you conscious brain is asleep. This is why you dream. While you doze, your backbrain will murmur happily to itself over the input of the previous day. It doesnapos;t mind taking a break from all the input it receives when youapos;re awake, and may even return stuff back to you.

Having problems with plot/char/whatever? Donapos;t try and force an idea. Go sleep on it and let your backbrain sort out the facts.

2. Clear your slate. Sometimes we have an idea in our head, and we develop it and can see it in all its glory. Then we write some of it down, failing to realise that we may have missed some important detail. The brain is like that. Itapos;ll automatically fill in the gaps and correct little mistakes, you konw, lkie taht fnuny ltitle emial taht goes arnoud syanig, "Can you raed tihs?"

By sleeping, youapos;ll clear out all those fine, glorious details from your short-term memory. Then you can look at your work with fresh eyes the next morning and truly see the gaps.

3. Reset the olapos; brain chemistry. Sleep rests your physical body and resets your brain chemistry. Brains work better after having had a bit of rest. Thinking takes a lot of energy. The brain needs downtime to rejuvinate. Ideas flow better to a well-rested brain.


So, dear apprentice, when I tell you to go sleep on something, I mean exactly that. Take good care of your tools, respect them, and they will serve you well. Stop trying to force your brain to come up with a solution and get some rest. Chances are your problem will sort itself out in the morning.

Love,
The Journeyman.
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I guess all it takes is a little combo of weed, apos;shrooms, vicoden, and acid....

Jason said yesterday that he called me. I�thought "bullshit" I turned on my phone, and what do you know? No missed calls. Iapos;m like "OMFG"..... I was going to ask him what my voicemail message said, if he did in fact call me.

But before I�even asked, he told me. Exactly...word for word. He actually DID call me.....holy shit

Iapos;ve still completely given up on a "Jace and Lace", but the fact that he just randomly called me was a bit impressive.


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